Mr. Herpes, Hertz,

Heifetz, excuse me.

How is your day going?

No need for such language, sir,

I am calling to offer you

a totally free

Caribbean cruise for two.

Oh.

Allow me to express

my deepest feelings for your loss.

May I call back next year

when you have found another wife?

Hello?

(Originally published in Iridium Sound: Churn My Butter)