La Latina is a doting hostess

in the kitchen,

a puta in your bed at night,

a paragon of cleanliness

who scrubs the counters clean

with Lysol wipes,

a marathon talker

who calls her sister twice a day

to discuss the latest soaps.

La Latina takes two hours

to prepare her lovely face

and says she will have surgery

when it all begins to sag..

La Latina won’t date Latin men,

who, she swears,

can’t keep it in their pants

and pass out when they drink too much,

delivered to your doorstep

like a package from Fed Ex.

You tell her that you’re Jewish,

a people known for their sobriety,

and faithful as a dog.

You drink in her spicy scent

until you feel quite tipsy..

She’s delighted it’s not Chivas Regal

you’re imbibing.

and that no matter

where you get your appetite

you’ll  always eat at home.

(Originally published in Ealain)