I should write this in red ink like the losses in the quarterly statements we blithely ignored what were you thinking when you whisked us away on a two-year Carnival cruise in treacherous seas of wild speculation, the china… Read more ›
She claims to know my heart’s desire better than my heart. Welcome back, she says in her manufactured voice, we have suggestions for you: a wine aerator which helps your Beaujolais to breathe, a dummy’s guide to Quantum Physics, a… Read more ›
Mr. Herpes, Hertz, Heifetz, excuse me. How is your day going? No need for such language, sir, I am calling to offer you a totally free Caribbean cruise for two. Oh. Allow me to express my deepest feelings for your… Read more ›
Who are these shades With severed thumbs? I asked. Those are the texters, Virgil dolefully replied. They met a violent end While operating Cars and trains and such, Their gaze riveted to The sleek black box Instead of the road… Read more ›
An anxious Jew, always waiting for the other shoe to drop,r met a spirited Latina who could, God forbid, lose one leg and keep dancing on the other. Vowing to adopt her point of view, he traded all his tiresome oy… Read more ›
a clever card replete with flags and guns and mothers invited everyone to the war Ernie sent his best regrets he’d put on a few pounds since his uniform last left the closet and the buttons kept popping off like… Read more ›
Compared to raptors, we’re a sorry earthbound lot, half-blind, fearful, with a permanent head-cold and no sense of direction. We lack the vulture’s rapacious hunger, the eagle’s breadth of vision, the hawk’s tenacious grip. Acknowledged masters of the air,… Read more ›
I don’t hold with those who think that we’re the Chosen People but the joy of waking by your side has almost made me a believer. Small miracles are woven from quiet moments such as this, each colored strand locked… Read more ›
The dead were lined up for inspection at Gert’s apartment in the Bronx, their shiny faces arranged in even rows like students gathered for a class photo. At every birthday, Mother measured me against the wall and made another mark,… Read more ›
When it comes to age, we’re all in sweet denial. A jury bribed to overlook the evidence has ruled that we’re still young. It’s just a number, right, says Tommy, my Greek barber, don’t count the summers, you knock a… Read more ›