Mr. Herpes, Hertz, Heifetz, excuse me. How is your day going? No need for such language, sir, I am calling to offer you a totally free Caribbean cruise for two. Oh. Allow me to express my deepest feelings for your… Read more ›
Aunt Mildred’s pinched an angel’s cheeks again, leaving thumbprints the size of walnuts Zei gesunt, she tells him, how much you’ve grown. She and Uncle Louie harangue each other at such high volume that God Himself stuffs his ears with… Read more ›
Who are these shades With severed thumbs? I asked. Those are the texters, Virgil dolefully replied. They met a violent end While operating Cars and trains and such, Their gaze riveted to The sleek black box Instead of the road… Read more ›
the evening of my date with luscious Gail the zit on the tip of my huge Shylock schnoz exploded like the cream-filled center of a Barricini chocolate and left an angry slash across my face that was Rudolph writ… Read more ›
An anxious Jew, always waiting for the other shoe to drop,r met a spirited Latina who could, God forbid, lose one leg and keep dancing on the other. Vowing to adopt her point of view, he traded all his tiresome oy… Read more ›
pink belly hanging over black satin bike shorts frightened starlings flee (originally published in Mu Mu)
a clever card replete with flags and guns and mothers invited everyone to the war Ernie sent his best regrets he’d put on a few pounds since his uniform last left the closet and the buttons kept popping off like… Read more ›
It could have been the war or his impoverished youth but for Dad it was a mortal sin to pay list price, worse than marrying out of the faith or eating in front of the shul on Yom Kippur. He… Read more ›
My name is Chaim. It means life. Everyone who drinks makes toasts to me but take my word for it my life has been no picnic, and if it were, God would send a horde of ants as guests. I… Read more ›
Like the fully-seasoned loin left on the kitchen counter next to the toaster/oven, you whet my appetite. I want you marinated in a sauce piquante, basted by my kisses, simmered for an hour until you’re moist and tender. I want… Read more ›