She claims to know

my heart’s desire

better than my heart.

Welcome back, she says

in her manufactured voice,

we have suggestions for you:

a wine aerator

which helps your Beaujolais to breathe,

a dummy’s guide to Quantum Physics,

a hot brunette from Latvia

with a PhD in Art

and a predilection for

mature men.

Weewilliewinkle’s sent

a red-flagged message

bearing the subject line,

Your bill is overdue.

I open it to find

another ad for boner pills,

my thirteenth of the day.

Why does everyone assume

that I can’t rise to the occasion?

Is it that obvious?

And why’s that hapless fellow

in Nigeria still raising bail?

Isn’t he dead  by now?

I pray to God for guidance

but I’ve misplaced His Password

and after three lame tries

access is denied.

(Originally published in Writer’s Tribe Review)